is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
