It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
