make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Say something about gay babies.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
