Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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