I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize