there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She needs sedatives and a leash
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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