Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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