summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
so much tequila, so little girl.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
