I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
