if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
