Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
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can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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