i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
