There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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