I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
