We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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