i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
