he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
