I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
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