Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
