I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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