OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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