it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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