Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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