that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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