yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
