i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
