Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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