I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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