Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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