i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
