one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
