i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
