I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
handjob tips. give me some.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
