I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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