Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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