Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
