A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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