So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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