i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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