Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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