So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
