one might say we're banned from that church
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
