Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
