What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
