Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
