If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
