goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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