somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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