She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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