I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
