i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You are a genius and a whore.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
