thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
