Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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