I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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