Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
