Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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