I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
