At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
