I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
