OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
