Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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