Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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