while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
