How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
