I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We have started to decorate penises.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
