we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
