Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
