My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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