I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize