A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
