Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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