I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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