went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
