I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
