Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
