Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
