Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
