Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
