I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
